Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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