Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize