wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
