I wish I could teleport
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
