Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
it glows. i had to have it.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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