Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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