Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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