My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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