So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
