he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
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