In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
