It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
How's work?
Spinning.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
