Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize