I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
