MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
