does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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