Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
