Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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