There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
