he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'm just crazy horny about you
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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