i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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