Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
