Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Randomize
