Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
handjob tips. give me some.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
