im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
