you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
