in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
