white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
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