I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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