i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
