She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
