I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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