tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
