all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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