I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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