Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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