Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
