5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
