false alarm. still invincible.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
