No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
