I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
