I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
