there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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