my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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