420 ftw
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Success! We fucked roommates!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
