Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
