you guys were way drunker than both of me
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
