Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
