i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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