My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
