i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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