Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
