Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
