my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
