careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
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Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
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Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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