Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize