Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
