Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
