Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
