didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I've blown a few things in my day
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
