yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
