At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
