Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
