dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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